How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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