Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
