my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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