Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
