My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
