I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
