Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
