i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
