After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
