tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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