There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
