I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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