6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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