speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
