they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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