hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
