If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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