Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
