just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
