What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
