No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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