I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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