So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I AM VODKA MAN
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
