There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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