I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
