He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
