How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
