I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
