At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
