But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im part way to drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
