They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
