Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
