maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
