who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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