and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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