Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Mom said you looked used
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
