why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm passing your future prison.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
