peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
