yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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