It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
