im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
