Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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