apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
