Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
