I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
