And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
