I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
