i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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