sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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