Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
